Too Much

It's been a rough week again. Others tell me about how well Elise is doing, but I have yet to see it for myself. Apparently she is using several new words at home and is more tuned in to others. Since I'm working so much now, I get to see her for only 1 or 2 hours each day during the week. It's late when I see her, so she tends to just release all her pent up stress when I'm around. The only change I've personally seen is her throwing a lot more tantrums. The program's social worker today assured me that this is very typical. However, I'm really anxious to see some improvement. It's too easy to slip into a hopeless feeling.

Today was Elise's last session with her floor time therapist. It was a bit emotional for me to say goodbye. We learned a lot from her and she's been very supportive during our discovery of Elise's autism. Floor time is not the best therapy approach for Elise, so we really won't be using her anymore. It'll be a new chapter of ABA therapy for her after this. Saturday will be Elise's last session with her Occupational Therapist. The therapist has invited the boys to join Elise in the gym and we'll have a goodbye party.

Besides feeling like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, things are going well. I am still hopeful, I think I'm just really tired and stressed. Work is terrible right now, the worst place I've ever worked and, trust me, that is saying a lot. I've never had a job where I actually wished that I would get fired. It's seriously that bad. I think the place for me is to be with the kids and working closely with Elise. However, that doesn't pay the bills or provide adequate insurance coverage for Elise. Things should begin looking up soon.

That's all for now. I'll write more once I start seeing Elise do things that are noteworthy. Currently, the only noteworthy thing is excessive tantrums and hitting / pushing. The program is trying to work on making her more compliant. I'm sure the autism factors into her noncompliant behavior, but her personality is a huge factor. I know because she has a non-autistic older brother with the identical personality. Compliance is not something they do easily. As their pediatrician eloquently put it "Your children are not people pleasers." That's a riot and a perfect assessment. They are rarely motivated to do things in order to please others. Praise is not very motivating for them. B is a bit more of a people pleaser, but he can be pretty stubborn also. I wonder why my children are this way - hmmmm...