Disappointing Day

Today I called in sick to work so that I could spend the day at UCLA learning more about what Elise does and the help she is receiving. I've been feeling so uninvolved lately. I'm such a geek that I never fake a sick call to work, so that's been stressing me. I just felt so desperate to get more involved there.

Anyway, there were all kinds of meetings booked in the observation room this week, so I didn't have much to chose from for seeing her. I signed up for 9:30 am to observe OT for half an hour. Then, I signed up for 11-12 to observe Elise in class. We also had our research study session at 8:00. The morning started with a hellish commute because of a 3 car, 2 motorcycle crash on the freeway. The session went well until about 8:20 when Elise decided it was a good time to have a bowel movement. That kind of wrapped things up. I then went to my meeting with the social worker, but somehow she thought we were meeting at 8 instead of 8:30. I don't know how that happened because I don't think I ever would have agreed to 8 when I always have the research study at that time. We therefore only met for 5 minutes.

At 9:30 I went to the observation room and it was locked. She hadn't started her session yet and the therapist was busy with another child whose mother was already in the room observing. That left me standing in the hall for 15 minutes feeling out of place and awkward. I know that's my own issue, but it was still annoying. Then, I finally get my turn to observe. I thought I would still get to see her for around 30 minutes, but her session ended at the appropriate scheduled time. Therefore, I only watched for about 15 minutes. Better than nothing I guess.

I anxiously waited for 11 because I've never had the opportunity to see Elise in class. At 11, I went upstairs. I opened the door to the observation room and there were what appeared to be several people inside. Again, I felt really awkward and unsure how this whole thing worked. I went downstairs and asked a couple of other mothers how they manage to ever watch their kids and was this a usual occurence. It hadn't happened much to them, but since they're there often, it's somewhat inconsequential when it does happen. Anyway, they told me to ask someone in charge of the program about it. I went to her office and explained the situation. I was really upset by this point because it was already 11:15. I can't stand to be emotional in front of people, but I was close to tears because I was just so disappointed. She went and spoke with Elise's teacher. The teacher invited me to hide in the back of the classroom and observe Elise there. I resisted because I thought Elise would notice me there. The teacher said it would be ok, that if I didn't talk, Elise wouldn't know I was there. Yea, before I even sat down, Elise saw me. She started throwing a fit. They had her come say hi to me and then allowed me to sit with her. I felt so out of place. By this time, it was 11:30. The room had opened finally, so I said goodbye to Elise and left. Of course, she threw a massive fit at my leaving. I spent the next half hour watching her throw a fit worse and longer than I've ever seen. I didn't get to observe anything positive. What a waste of probably the only day I'll have to watch her while she's in this program unless I quit my job.

At 1:00 pm, I met with our care coordinator. I've never met with her before because of work. Hubby has attended all of the meetings with her. The meeting was nice to get a chance to finally hear what & how Elise is doing first-hand instead of filtered through hubby. I guess that was one somewhat bright spot in the day. However, it was also discouraging in that I have this feeling that no one is quite "getting" her yet. I feel like Elise is playing a game with them all, toying with them. I guess people find that hard to believe since she just turned 3, but I know that, intentional or not, it's what is happening. It's frustrating because if she doesn't allow them to see how she truly is, how will they be able to help her the best? It's true I've seen some progress, but I feel like the pieces are still really far from coming together.

I did get to pick up A from school. Of course, I wake up Elise to go into his school with me. She's cranky about this and still exhausted. She sees a toy she wants and starts to throw a fit when I tell her no, it's not hers. Lovely. Then, as we're walking back to the car with A, I remember that I don't have a car seat for him. Given the situation, bringing him back to school would have had him in tears and the return of Elise's fit. I just couldn't bear that. I put him in the back seat without his booster and used the shoulder belt. He's too short for that, so I was scared driving the 2 miles home. Then, as we cross into our neighborhood and I breathe a sigh of relief that we're almost home safely, I see a police car driving towards us very slowly. I'm thinking how great it'll be to top off the day with a ticket or something worse for driving A without a booster seat. His little curly haired head is just visible through the window so it's obvious he's too small. Fortunately my fears were unfounded.

What a day! I have to say that it was TOTALLY not worth it to call in sick. Now I get to go to work tomorrow and deal with everyone's fake "concern" (in other words, those jealous co-worker work-a-holics who want to make sure that everyone is as miserable as they are) and accomplish two days worth of work in one day. Augh!

I really hope that we have a good weekend... :0)