Enough is Enough

I'm once again operating purely in survival mode. After more than 3 years of doing this fairly often, I've really started to just be tired. Today started out normal enough. Hubby took Elise to school and decided to stay there with her and observe her today. The school district psychologist was scheduled to observe also. He met with her and she noted how much Elise had improved. She said that she felt Elise belonged in a program where she would have a very low strudent to teacher ratio. This isn't the way we were beginning to lean for preschool, but I don't know which way to go. The pre-school intensive & I-CAP programs are what she feels is best for Elise. We were moving away from these programs because of their time committment. We were leaning more towards spending most of her time in ABA therapy supplemented with pre-school. I just don't know what will be best for Elise. One option that would be good would be for us to send her to private school and have the school district provide an aide from her ABA agency asist her in the school. I prefer this option because then I could keep her and B together in the same school. I think this is good for both of them. Thinking about this makes my head spin.

As if this wasn't enough to think about, hubby returned to his office today to discover that he'd missed a last-minute scheduled all hands meeting. Of course, these are never good things at work and this meeting met that criteria. His location is closing and he will be out of a job by July. Finding a new job has just been moved into first priority right now. Once again, our moving / buying a home plans are suspended and I don't know what to do to get out of this house that may be making us sick. Where would we move? We don't even know for real now where we'll be working only 6 months from now. He's going to try to get into his work's El Segundo location. We would then want to live closer to there instead of buying in these neighborhoods. Whether he can even get a position there is suspect since now everyone from his current facility will be vying for jobs there since it's the next closest location. Like I said, my head is spinning.

Top this all off with the present time concern that my work is crazy busy and very high pressure right now. The deadlines are numerous and I have no idea how I'll manage to meet them this week. I honestly feel on the verge of just breaking down, but I know I won't because if I haven't yet, then why would I suddenly now?

On the bright side, Elise has been having some great days. I'm looking forward to seeing some of this on the upcoming weekend and next week at her last 4 days of school. Time to pick up and move on once again. I know that brighter times are coming once this uncertainty is settled. It's just all very stressful and scary right now.

I'm hoping that these dark times will pass soon and that they're leading to much brighter times and a great future for all of us.

Elise met with Genetics yesterday. From the logistical side of things, it was a nightmare. The appointment was at 3 across the street from her school, which lets out at 2. Therefore, I had to leave work at 1 to get there. We wandered around for an hour before her appointment. Then, we waited until a bit after 4 to see the doctor. He took her measurements, looked at her and her resemblance to us, examined her a bit and asked us some questions. He ordered a blood test that will be used to map her DNA at a high level. We waited an hour at the lab for this blood test. In his words, the DNA test will be like looking at the moon from the earth. They'll look for extras & missing things as compared to the typical human DNA chain. Something like that - can you tell I'm no scientist ;0

Anyway, my understanding is that if something unusual is seen, then hubby and I would be tested. If we have the same difference, then there could be a genetic issue. If not, then it would just be an anomaly for Elise and would not lead to genetic concerns for the family's future children (not mine because I'm so done). Depending on what is found, we may do additional tests for specific genetic disorders that are linked with autism, but we're starting here. It doesn't appear from this appointment that there will be much to the specific genetic disorder theory for her autism, but we of course don't know that yet. She may very likely be a child for which there is a predisposition and with the appropriate stressors, the cycle begins. The doctor did tell us that there is a research study ongoing right now where the DNA of autistic children, likely ones like Elise, is being mapped in detail and examined for any common differences. This would be something in which we would like to participate if she qualifies. I just want science to start discovering more answers to help more children and families suffering from autism.

I'm just so emotionally wiped out right now. I'll write more about Elise another time. I just need to attempt to sleep, wake up in the morning and survive tomorrow. I think I need Ambien or something so that I can actually fall asleep. Maybe I'll steal Elise's melatonin tonight, or a nice glass of wine, hmmmm....

Oh yes, I forgot to mention how when I sat down at the computer to post this, I saw for the first time the headlines about Haiti's 7.0 earthquake. Unbelievable and so sad. This has been quite the day.